Open heart, sky so bright;
almost like a silent night.
A sudden mist, across my face;
must I run, or just embrace?
Open sky, shines so bright;
it is anything but, a silent night.
I hear it again, oh so clear;
"Come, sweet child, please draw near."
Open heart, filled with light;
brings sweet release; yearning for, my silent night.
Man, I did so good for like a week! haha Here it is December 4th, and my big 'ole baby is 7 months old! Check out this little cutie patutie!
My little guy is getting so big! 5 teeth. Saying Mommamamama, Dadadada, duck, quack, pig, up, & possibly God - what can I say... he's holy! hahahaha My dad also claims he can say Chugington... but, nobody else has heard him say that one. :) He's a sweet little guy, and ornery as can be. I'm excited to celebrate this holiday season with a baby in the family!
Isn't that like the Lord? This is the beginning of 2 Kings 13:23, "But the Lord was gracious..."
Since the sentence starts with a "But" one can assume that the words before were contrary to the words that were going to follow. God's grace in it's most common form - obnoxious, undeserved, irrational.
I've been getting daily devotionals emailed to me from Moody Bible Institute and they have been going through the book of 2 Kings. I know, 2 Kinds, OT (no, not over time, Old Testament), snoozefest, right? Quite opposite, Elijah gets swept up into Heaven, Jezebel gets mauled by wild dogs - I recommend giving it a whirl! Anways, their verse was "But the LORD was gracious to them and had compassion and showed concern for them because of his covenant with them" This verse couldn't have topped off my morning any better... I was kind of crabby before I left for work this morning, and it was a morning I had to drop Will off at the babysitters. We always pray, well, I pray and Will was sleeping, and I was speaking to God candidly and confessing that my heart and my mind were in way, shape, or form aligned. As I was wrapping up my prayers I was just thanking the Holy Spirit for interceding on our behalf, and I felt peaceful and hopeful.
Fast forward a few hours, I'm at work, and Bo sends me an email, like he usually does, and asks me to pray for a meeting he was going to have with a student. I emailed him back, and told him I already did! While Will and I were praying on our way to work, I prayed for Bo & that he would have an opportunity to share God's grace, love, and truth with his students today! The Holy Spirit was using me to intercede on Bo's behalf! How cool is that? It was a refreshing moment for me and my walk with God - something that I had also prayed for that morning!
I can't remember what it was, but something happened a couple of days ago that caused me to stop & think about what was going on in my life last year at this time. I am normally a person who loves to reflect on the past, what God has done, and how He has brought me to where I'm at today, but when reflecting over this past year (I know you're thinking, Is it new year's or something?) it is extremely bittersweet. I digress...
Let's start with bitter, because I would rather end on a positive note of saweetness! Day's after finding out Bo & I were pregnant (after over a year of trying) we were told that Bo had a rare, most likely malignant, type of cancer. So what was I doing last year at this time? Making trips up to the University of Michigan's cancer unit for Bo's tests and surgery. I should go ahead an mention now, instead of making you wait till the 'Sweet' section that the specialists said Bo did NOT have cancer! I will never forget a couple of conversations that I had with God during that time. I will never forget the peace that I received from God at that time. And I will never ever forget how I almost vomited as I was thinking how wrong it was that I we were driving through the hospital/airport like roads following the signs to the cancer wing. I'm not gonna lie, I was mad at God at times. I didn't understand. However, I always claimed God's sovereignty and goodness. I remembered his faithfulness.
Second bitter/hard thing from this past year... my walk with God has reached all new levels this year! Unfortunately, not a good way, or at least it doesn't feel like it's a good thing. Prefacing this with, I was pregnant for the majority of the year, and unsure of the role my hormones played in the whole scenario (but I believe God is in control of all things, including my hormones) - I have never "felt" God's presence less in my life than this past year. Which really bums me out. One because I still feel that way; and two, because I was experiencing pregnancy for the first time. I had always imagined/dreamed of being pregnant, and had this vision of sweet hours (literally) of prayer for my unborn babe. I thought I would experience a closeness to God more than I ever had before - I mean it truly is a miraculous event of one's body & soul being knit together inside of you. But no, didn't "feel" it. Can you tell I'm very consumed by my feelings??? :) I'm grateful to God for blessing me with a mother who lifted (and continues to) my sweet baby boy up in prayer!
Ok, onto the Sweetness!!! You know that precious baby I've mentioned above! He is my sweetness!!!! I have never experienced a miracle that has blown me away more than having a child. I know that God does supernatural bonding and unifying when you marry your spouse, but the experience of child birth, and becoming a mom has brought a whole new meaning to the word miracle! Bo & I love and adore Will, and love watching him grow and learn how to do more things. Becoming a mom has opened my eyes to God's tender, fierce, jealous love for His children!
I don't know what God is up to, but I know it's ultimately going to be for His glory. I believe that part of journeying with God is being refined - that whole "dying to self" concept the Bible talks about. Not always fun. Definitely not always easy. But in God's infinite, obnoxious grace, it brings great joy and satisfaction to the soul. As our pastor often says - may I become less, so that He may become more.
Jeremiah 29
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Have you ever learned something new, whether it be word or catch phrase, and all of the sudden you start hearing/seeing it everywhere.... well, I have had one of those instances recently. Pull up a chair, grab a hot mug of cider, snuggle up in your nice warm blanket and listen to my adventure in a northwest Ohio jungle.
It was a warm breezy day. I had scheduled a photo shoot for the beautiful Davis family at the 5-7-7 foundation. Wanting to be prepared for the photo shoot I went and scoped out the grounds for ideal settings and backgrounds. Now, I have been to the 5-7-7 foundation a couple of times in the past and knew there was a path that led down to the river, so I decided to check it out and make sure it was(n't) worth going down there to take pictures. First, I walked through a tall grassy area, and then proceeded down some gravel stairs in a wooded area. As I was walking in this wooded playground for the rabid squirrel and chipmunk folk, I remembered my fear of animals. I make it down to the water, not picturesque, and make my way back up the winding gravel terrain (while talking to my husband so someone could at least hear it if I start getting mulled by an animal). There was nothing sweeter than reaching the open prairie lands where civilization lay!
[See side note story below]
Sooo where is this wild barracuda, you may be asking yourself? I get back to work, and need to release the adrenaline from the anxiety of my forest frolic, so I go back to customer service to share my adventures (where the lovely Mrs. Davis works). Trying to keep my cool I begin my story with "I was almost attached by a barracuda at lunch" - not dramatic at all. My friend Heather asks, "did you get in the water or something?" Confused, I say... "no, why? do barracuda's like the water?" I hear laughter coming from the other cubicles.... So then I finally ask the question "What's a barracuda?????" Apparently it's a fish! And thanks to the wonderful worldwide web, I have posted a picture! Scary huh?? I think it might even be more frightening than the mountain lion type creature I was picturing mulling my face!
Since this day I have had multiple run-in's with barracuda's - the song, car, someone else sharing a story that involved a barracuda... you name it!
Side note story: The last time I was at the 5-7-7 foundation, which I think was roughly 6 years ago. I did actually have an encounter with the wild animal kingdom. I was walking down the trail mentioned above, and was pondering on my recent reading's of a book called 'Captivating.' The authors were sharing about their stories about how they asked God to give them a sign in that moment, and being the nature lovers that they are, a random animal appeared and they believed that was their sign from God. Well, me, the non-animal loving, nature (as long as there are not wild animals) enjoying, friendly self starts asking "God, I want an animal too... but God, you know I'm afraid of animals, so nothing scary, but something more than your average furry woodland squirrels & chipmunks because they are in abundance, and I might get that that's my sign. I kid you not, 5 steps later Bambi's mom has stopped dead in her tracks & is staring at me. "Woah God, I must have thought you were listening that close." But I was thankful, because I wasn't scared, and I knew it was God - I don't believe in coincidence.
So there you have it folks!
Oh Madonna, we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl. ha! Although, joking aside, I have never been more focused on money than I have been since Will has been born. Do I work? Do I stay at home? Do I try something part-time? What's the modern day mom to do.... I know it's different for everyone, and I don't really have a "choice" at this point in time, but as Bo & I continue to manage our finances, and pay off our loans... where are we headed? Will we ever get ahead? Will we be able to save money for our kids? It's a constant struggle, and emotional roller-coaster.
I have heard, and am now experiencing, that battle that mom's face - questioning what I'm doing, and where God has me right now; feeling guilty for making a decision one way or the other...
My soul is thirsty for still waters. Seeking out God's will & my desire is to be obedient.
Since I'm blogging about it, and photographed the occasion, it is official - my brother is engaged! haha My brother, Mike, proposed to Kristen in August, and they have been planning away for their May wedding. I'm very excited to be adding another sister to the clan, but I have to admit I'm a little jealous... Kristen gets to become a "Conrad." When I got married I was sad to lose my last name - I liked it, it had meaning to me, was a part of who I am/was, and it was fun to write (y'know that girl thing). :) I think that Kristen is a great addition to our family, and it has been fun getting to know her better.
I've been blessed by getting the opportunity to express my creativity through photography. I really love taking pictures, and continuing to experiment with poses and settings. My sister's engagement shoot was one of my first photo shoots, and I'm so blessed to have had the opportunity to do other engagement, family, and wedding shoots since then. It's fun to engage with people's families as I take their pictures. Check out a couple shots below!
I'm on day 2 of doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred workout video. 20 minutes (including warm-up and cool down) of strength training, cardio, and abs - the 20 minute part was what sucked me in. I'm a sucker for low commitment, quick result oriented things. :) Especially with having a 3 month old. We'll see if I make it to day 10. I hope so, because it does feel good to work up a sweat every now and then!
10 days, 5 states, 2 of the greatest grandparents, 1 kidnap-threatening auntie = 1 happy and spoiled baby!!! Will & I just got back from visiting my sister, Shauna, and her husband in Atlanta (Daddy joined us for a few days). We had a great time, and I got to do some things while PoPo watched Will - went to see Eclipse (go Team Edward!), did some outlet mall shopping, and hit up Starbucks! It was a great trip to finish up my maternity leave - only 1 more week left! God has been sweet, and I don't feel like my time has gone too fast. Don't get me wrong, I would love staying home more with my little guy, but I have really enjoyed the time we have had. Enjoy highlights below!
Here are some pics from some spontaneous photo shoots of Will.
Will with his Auntie Shauna & Uncle GW
This was both mine & Will's first time through the Smoky Mountains!
I wish I could come up with more creative titles, but I'm lucky I can spell my name these days... :) Pregnancy and childbirth really messes with your head! It should be interesting when I go back to work. Speaking of which - I'm really cherishing every day I get to spend with Will because I know it's going to be hard going back to work.
Will is great! Motherhood is crazy. I feel like I'm maintaining, but I don't function the greatest with the lack of sleep - which I was aware of beforehand. However, God is good, and provides everything we need each day. I have been very blessed to have a lot of help from parents. They have been awesome, and able to come up and visit us a lot!! :)
Something else I've been soaking up is the time I have gotten to spend in the Word while Will take's his long afternoon nap. Our ladies Bible study has been doing a study by Kelly Minter, "No Other God's." It has really drawn out where my heart has been over the last year, and the scripture we have been reading has been really relevant in life on several levels. It has been a great reality check, and has helped me start to journey back on really focusing on God, and His desire and truth for me.
William Joseph Kessler was born on April 30, 2010, at 5:39 PM. He weighed 9 lbs. 9 ozs. and measured 20.5 inches!
I think I was having contractions all throughout the night, but just thought my stomach was hurting because I had to go to the bathroom (since the pains went away after I went to the bathroom). However, I woke up at 7:30 AM and was having contractions 5-10 min. apart, so we decided to wait it out until my scheduled doctor appt. at 9:30. The Dr. said it was "go time" and that we could go over to be admitted into the hospital. She did an ultra-sound first because she had a hard time getting Will's heartbeat, and at this point she thought he was going to be about 7.5 lbs.!
Next, we went over, got admitted, and Dr. Puckett came down to break my water around noon. That is when things started getting more painful. I was wrestling around with getting pain meds around 5-6 cm because my nurse had me laying on my side, which was extremely uncomfortable, and hard to breathe... but, then I got up and she gave me a bean bag that I could lay on my stomach on, and things began progressing quickly from there. I felt better, and Will really started moving down. I began pushing, out of instinct, and my nurse didn't want me to yet, but I didn't really feel like I couldn't.
Then I pushed for an hour and half, and Will came - naturally, with a little help from the vacuum! :) I was beginning to think I wouldn't be able to push much longer, and luckily Will came soon after that! It was a crazy experience, and I still really can't comprehend it.
Now, Bo & I are adjusting to parenthood, and sleep deprivation - which I think is harder for me than Bo. However, like in this entire event - God was extremely gracious and faithful, and I wouldn't have been able to get through it without remembering that amidst the pain! Bo was a great coach too!!! I was in such a "zone" during labor that I just knew that his hand was there to hold and squeeze, and his encouraging words kept me going! I pretty much stopped talking once the labor got hard...
So after all that - Praise the Lord for our little chunky monkey!!! He's so sweet.
I can't believe the end of the road is so near... Bo has been quite antsy the last few days and was hoping the baby would come this week. I have gotten more uncomfortable over the past week so I too am now ready for the baby to come whenever he is ready. :)
Bo & I have really enjoyed this journey, and are even more excited for the next step - actually getting to interact with the baby! I have had some disappointment with unmet expectations of what I thought life would look like being pregnant, but it has also greatly exceeded how amazing I thought this experience would be.
I am thankful for God's faithfulness, provision, and grace with me over these past 39 weeks. :)
It's exhausting being the photographer and the subject, but Bo & I had fun taking our family prego pics! We are so excited to meet Will, but we are enjoying our last days of "freedom" too! I'm not to the point yet where I'm "done" being pregnant. Praise the Lord it's been a pretty good ride after I got through that 1st trimester.
April 1st is a significant day in my life, and not just because I enjoy playing practical jokes on people - especially my boss. It's hard to believe, but 9 years ago (I was 18, yikes!) and I was baptized. Now, I had had a relationship with Jesus for approximately 13-14 years prior to this, and even began really pursuing an intentional relationship with God a year or so prior to this. However, making the decision to be baptized took a lot of thought and consideration. I knew I would be leaving for college in a few short months - I would be on my own. More independent. I knew this would set the precedent for what type's of choices I would make over the next 1-4 years. So I prayed about it, talked about with a couple other friends who decided they were going to be baptized, and we did it together! :) It was a sweet day - a Sunday, rainy (I think), and how appropriate - the earth was being cleansed too! :)
God really took hold of my life at this point in time. I knew that He was always to be most important, and that I wanted to live my life, and make decisions around Him and what He would want. Don't get me wrong... I screwed up a lot after this! But God really did become the central part of my life at this point, and I would never go back. Walking with God is hard, but so sweet, and always worth it. His faithfulness will never cease to amaze me. His grace & mercy will never cease to bring me to my knees. His love is what gives me life. It truly is a "Good Friday!" I fought to be joyous and celebratory today while at work, where it is easy to give way to the bitterness and cynicism.
- A thankful, humble servant
I found this magazine I liked when I was in Barnes & Noble one day - Light & Delish. I also just found that you can get all these recipes free online at delish.com... It met the "I should have most of these ingredients in my cupboard" criteria (and they looked healthy)! I've actually made like 3 things out of it already, and have loved them, but here is a quick & easy, do-it-yourself granola recipe.
1/2 c. vegetable oil
1/2 c. honey
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 lg. egg
2 c. old-fashioned oats, uncooked
3/4 c. all-purpose flour
1/2 c. packed light brown sugar
1/2 c. sliced almonds
1/2 c. toasted wheat germ
1/2 c. raisins
3/4 tsp. salt
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 13" by 9" metal baking pan with nonstick foil (if not using nonstick, lightly grease foil). 2. In 2-cup liquid measuring cup, stir oil, honey, vanilla, and egg until mixed. In large bowl, with fork, mix oats, flour, sugar, almonds, wheat germ, raisins, and salt until combined. With rubber spatula, stir honey mixture into oat mixture until blended; scrape into prepared pan. With wet hand, pat oat mixtutre evenly into pan. 3. Bake 30-35 minutes or until pale golden around edges. Cool Completely in pan on wire rack, about 1 hour. 4. When cool, transfer using foil to cutting board. Cut lengthwise into 4 strips, then cut each strip crosswise into 6 pieces. Store in tightly sealed container at room temperature up to 2 weeks.
Oat and Almond Breakfast Bars
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Bo & I celebrated our 4 year anniversary with a surprise date, and a trip to Columbus this weekend. Bo picked me up from work on the 4th, took me to Pizza Papalis, and then to see Nemo on Ice!!!! I was truely surprised, and we had a great time.
Some days it's hard to believe we've been married a whopping 4 years, and other days it seems like we've been together forever! Our wedding day was so sweet, and we are so thankful and blessed for what a beautiful day God gave us.
I can't believe that Baby Will will be here in just a few months!!! I have really love being pregnant, and Bo & I have had a lot of fun preparing for becoming parents. We have our birthing classes this weekend, so I'm sure I will have some great stories to share from that experience!! haha
On Sunday we went and took a tour of the maternity ward in the hospital, and it was really nice!! There's even a pull-out couch for dad. So we just continue to pray for the baby's development, and a "smooth" delivery.
I keep hearing about this advertisement on K-Love about a non-profit organization that is helping girls are being trafficked in northwest Ohio. I must confess I don't know a lot about this subject, but it has tugged at my heart for a few years, since I saw a Law & Order SVU episode. It's funny how God works... I also soon after discovered an amazing Christian artist, Natalie Grant, who also began wanting to help women in this, because she too saw the Law & Order episode.
So I decided to check out this website, and to begin asking God how I can help and be more aware. If I am not aware, I can't pray... and that's at least a place to start.
If you are interested in learing more too, check out http://thedaughterproject.org/
Our poverty and wretchedness, when felt, powerfully plead in our behalf at the throne of grace. The best self-preservation is to commit ourselves to God's keeping. I am one whom thou favourest, hast set apart for thyself, and made partaker of sanctifying grace. It is a great encouragement to prayer, to feel that we have received the converting grace of God, have learned to trust in him, and to be his servants. We may expect comfort from God, when we keep up our communion with God.
God's goodness appears in two things, in giving and forgiving. Whatever others do, let us call upon God, and commit our case to him; we shall not seek in vain. (Ps 86:8-17)
