A Year in the Making

I can't remember what it was, but something happened a couple of days ago that caused me to stop & think about what was going on in my life last year at this time. I am normally a person who loves to reflect on the past, what God has done, and how He has brought me to where I'm at today, but when reflecting over this past year (I know you're thinking, Is it new year's or something?) it is extremely bittersweet. I digress...

Let's start with bitter, because I would rather end on a positive note of saweetness! Day's after finding out Bo & I were pregnant (after over a year of trying) we were told that Bo had a rare, most likely malignant, type of cancer. So what was I doing last year at this time? Making trips up to the University of Michigan's cancer unit for Bo's tests and surgery. I should go ahead an mention now, instead of making you wait till the 'Sweet' section that the specialists said Bo did NOT have cancer! I will never forget a couple of conversations that I had with God during that time. I will never forget the peace that I received from God at that time. And I will never ever forget how I almost vomited as I was thinking how wrong it was that I we were driving through the hospital/airport like roads following the signs to the cancer wing. I'm not gonna lie, I was mad at God at times. I didn't understand. However, I always claimed God's sovereignty and goodness. I remembered his faithfulness.

Second bitter/hard thing from this past year... my walk with God has reached all new levels this year! Unfortunately, not a good way, or at least it doesn't feel like it's a good thing. Prefacing this with, I was pregnant for the majority of the year, and unsure of the role my hormones played in the whole scenario (but I believe God is in control of all things, including my hormones) - I have never "felt" God's presence less in my life than this past year. Which really bums me out. One because I still feel that way; and two, because I was experiencing pregnancy for the first time. I had always imagined/dreamed of being pregnant, and had this vision of sweet hours (literally) of prayer for my unborn babe. I thought I would experience a closeness to God more than I ever had before - I mean it truly is a miraculous event of one's body & soul being knit together inside of you. But no, didn't "feel" it. Can you tell I'm very consumed by my feelings??? :) I'm grateful to God for blessing me with a mother who lifted (and continues to) my sweet baby boy up in prayer!

Ok, onto the Sweetness!!! You know that precious baby I've mentioned above! He is my sweetness!!!! I have never experienced a miracle that has blown me away more than having a child. I know that God does supernatural bonding and unifying when you marry your spouse, but the experience of child birth, and becoming a mom has brought a whole new meaning to the word miracle! Bo & I love and adore Will, and love watching him grow and learn how to do more things. Becoming a mom has opened my eyes to God's tender, fierce, jealous love for His children!

I don't know what God is up to, but I know it's ultimately going to be for His glory. I believe that part of journeying with God is being refined - that whole "dying to self" concept the Bible talks about. Not always fun. Definitely not always easy. But in God's infinite, obnoxious grace, it brings great joy and satisfaction to the soul. As our pastor often says - may I become less, so that He may become more.

Jeremiah 29
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

Wild Barracuda's

Have you ever learned something new, whether it be word or catch phrase, and all of the sudden you start hearing/seeing it everywhere.... well, I have had one of those instances recently. Pull up a chair, grab a hot mug of cider, snuggle up in your nice warm blanket and listen to my adventure in a northwest Ohio jungle.

It was a warm breezy day. I had scheduled a photo shoot for the beautiful Davis family at the 5-7-7 foundation. Wanting to be prepared for the photo shoot I went and scoped out the grounds for ideal settings and backgrounds. Now, I have been to the 5-7-7 foundation a couple of times in the past and knew there was a path that led down to the river, so I decided to check it out and make sure it was(n't) worth going down there to take pictures. First, I walked through a tall grassy area, and then proceeded down some gravel stairs in a wooded area. As I was walking in this wooded playground for the rabid squirrel and chipmunk folk, I remembered my fear of animals. I make it down to the water, not picturesque, and make my way back up the winding gravel terrain (while talking to my husband so someone could at least hear it if I start getting mulled by an animal). There was nothing sweeter than reaching the open prairie lands where civilization lay!

[See side note story below]

Sooo where is this wild barracuda, you may be asking yourself? I get back to work, and need to release the adrenaline from the anxiety of my forest frolic, so I go back to customer service to share my adventures (where the lovely Mrs. Davis works). Trying to keep my cool I begin my story with "I was almost attached by a barracuda at lunch" - not dramatic at all. My friend Heather asks, "did you get in the water or something?" Confused, I say... "no, why? do barracuda's like the water?" I hear laughter coming from the other cubicles.... So then I finally ask the question "What's a barracuda?????" Apparently it's a fish! And thanks to the wonderful worldwide web, I have posted a picture! Scary huh?? I think it might even be more frightening than the mountain lion type creature I was picturing mulling my face!



Since this day I have had multiple run-in's with barracuda's - the song, car, someone else sharing a story that involved a barracuda... you name it!

Side note story: The last time I was at the 5-7-7 foundation, which I think was roughly 6 years ago. I did actually have an encounter with the wild animal kingdom. I was walking down the trail mentioned above, and was pondering on my recent reading's of a book called 'Captivating.' The authors were sharing about their stories about how they asked God to give them a sign in that moment, and being the nature lovers that they are, a random animal appeared and they believed that was their sign from God. Well, me, the non-animal loving, nature (as long as there are not wild animals) enjoying, friendly self starts asking "God, I want an animal too... but God, you know I'm afraid of animals, so nothing scary, but something more than your average furry woodland squirrels & chipmunks because they are in abundance, and I might get that that's my sign. I kid you not, 5 steps later Bambi's mom has stopped dead in her tracks & is staring at me. "Woah God, I must have thought you were listening that close." But I was thankful, because I wasn't scared, and I knew it was God - I don't believe in coincidence.

So there you have it folks!

Material Girl

Oh Madonna, we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl. ha! Although, joking aside, I have never been more focused on money than I have been since Will has been born. Do I work? Do I stay at home? Do I try something part-time? What's the modern day mom to do.... I know it's different for everyone, and I don't really have a "choice" at this point in time, but as Bo & I continue to manage our finances, and pay off our loans... where are we headed? Will we ever get ahead? Will we be able to save money for our kids? It's a constant struggle, and emotional roller-coaster.

I have heard, and am now experiencing, that battle that mom's face - questioning what I'm doing, and where God has me right now; feeling guilty for making a decision one way or the other...

My soul is thirsty for still waters. Seeking out God's will & my desire is to be obedient.

Love is in the Air...

Since I'm blogging about it, and photographed the occasion, it is official - my brother is engaged! haha My brother, Mike, proposed to Kristen in August, and they have been planning away for their May wedding. I'm very excited to be adding another sister to the clan, but I have to admit I'm a little jealous... Kristen gets to become a "Conrad." When I got married I was sad to lose my last name - I liked it, it had meaning to me, was a part of who I am/was, and it was fun to write (y'know that girl thing). :) I think that Kristen is a great addition to our family, and it has been fun getting to know her better.

I've been blessed by getting the opportunity to express my creativity through photography. I really love taking pictures, and continuing to experiment with poses and settings. My sister's engagement shoot was one of my first photo shoots, and I'm so blessed to have had the opportunity to do other engagement, family, and wedding shoots since then. It's fun to engage with people's families as I take their pictures. Check out a couple shots below!